a moment of silence for all those cool ideas you had when you were falling asleep that you totally thought you’d remember but tragically didn’t in the morning.
why iphones gotta take two million years to turn back on after they die like you plug em in and you’re all ready to start texting again but they’re like “nope. i gotta take some time for myself. figure out who i am. you hurt me too much the last time. let me think.”
oh look it’s the leader of the free world breaking the cardinal rule of chipotle
"Retract your arm immediately, Mr. President"